This article contains descriptions of homophobia that may be triggering for some individuals.
Many people claim to celebrate and support the LGBTQ+ community yet remain silent when confronted with homophobia in practice. While I am not queer, I was raised by gay parents and by virtue, I have noticed this dichotomy on a frequent basis. Performative allyship that only celebrates queerness as a spectacle seems to have become a socially acceptable substitute for genuine support. This is in no way a condemnation of public, or social media-based activism. However, real support often comes from confronting homophobia in its casual, and sometimes more private forms, along with the realisation that these displays of bigotry are rooted in xenophobia and a warped perception of ‘normalcy.’ By being vocal in these instances, the ignorance that fuels homophobia is afforded less opportunity to manifest and morph into subsequent larger displays of hatred and discrimination.
It is not uncommon to hear someone make a homophobic remark and then make an Instagram post of them at Mardi Gras a week later. However, partying at Pride events and sharing stories on Instagram does not constitute being an ally. Homophobia and bigotry typically manifest in more private or casual settings where it’s easy to let an action or comment slide to not incite confrontation or awkwardness. It is in these moments when the clear displays of hatred and ignorance need to be addressed and often aren’t.
For instance, when I was in high school, one of my teachers was heard stating that he would be voting ‘no’ in the marriage equality referendum until “two women or two men could get in bed and make a baby together”. I choked. With one comment my existence had been reduced to a joke. He used the excuse that he was only going by the bible. In my opinion, that is not an excuse to insinuate to any child that the type of family they come from should not exist. To my knowledge, there was no attempt by my school to rectify this in any meaningful way. This set an example for hundreds of students that it’s okay to be complicit when someone is being hateful, as long as that hate is not directed at you. This is how wilful ignorance manifests.
Another example comes from when I was in primary school. At the end of the school day, I walked outside my classroom to see one of my school scripture teachers handing out flyers about why gay marriage was the devil’s work (his words, not mine). I did not bear witness to any other adult (neither teachers nor parents) confronting him or telling him that this was wrong, and I was never made aware of any disciplinary action being taken against him. As far as I know, he continued to teach at the school until retirement. I also remember walking into my kitchen one day to hear another mother telling my mum that she was uncomfortable with her children coming around to our house for a playdate because my parents were gay.
I would argue that setting an example of blatant unkindness and complacency in the face of such unfounded fear and ignorance, is far worse than the seemingly ‘bad’ example set by Queer people simply existing.
My university friends are often shocked when I bring up these examples – as if they did not realise that homophobia existed so outwardly in this way. Growing up in a rural area definitely made these occurrences more frequent, but examples such as these often occur in urban settings as well. There have been numerous instances where teachers have been fired from Sydney schools for the simple fact that they are queer.
In the context of the above examples I have given, it would not come as a surprise that my fellow peers in my rural school often made homophobic comments in my presence – some that were targeted towards my family and others that were simply careless and involved little forethought. However, I am unsure if they knew exactly how offensive they were being. While this is not an excuse, it must be considered that these students had been taught and raised by people who had consistently set the example that it’s okay to be complicit when witnessing displays of prejudice and discrimination.
People like this grow up to become the type of people who refuse to walk on the UNSW rainbow steps. Their bigotry cultivates because their friends and themselves have always seen such acts and comments as “harmless”. Very few people have informed them that their actions and words are hurtful, and reflective of an epidemic of ignorance and unkindness. They think that their homophobia is okay because no one has had the courage to tell them that it isn’t.
Moreover, they think their homophobia is “okay” because they have been made to believe that being queer is not “normal”. This is rooted in xenophobia. Recently, when I mentioned in conversation with someone that I have two mums, I was met with an odd response; “oh, but you seem so normal!”. I genuinely don’t think that this comment was intended to come across as offensively as it did, however, this is precisely the problem. People do not realise how insolent they are being unless someone calls them out. This comment was rooted in ignorance, and the assumption that Queer people and those who associate with them, are the ‘other,’ which in turn demonstrates a link back to xenophobia. Questions like “which one of your mums acts more like the dad?” (which I often hear) have a similar effect. The subtext of this question is that my family cannot simply exist as it is. My family is more understandable and palatable if it mimics nuclear family norms.
Without addressing these seemingly “harmless” comments, this type of ignorance becomes perpetuated. Ignorance like this can easily breed hatred, which then leads to larger displays of discrimination. So, to make a more tangible difference, simply showing up when it’s easy, fun or fashionable is not enough. Show up when the hatred may be subtle or laughable. Show up when the world isn’t watching and when it may be uncomfortable. By cutting things off at the root, they are afforded less chance to proliferate and bloom into clear displays of prejudice and bigotry.