Mattel Releases Brand New ‘Constipation Barbie’, Plumbers Celebrate

EL SAGUNDO, CA – In a continued effort to celebrate diversity, Mattel has just released their newest doll: Constipation Barbie.  Following the company’s alleged success with their January release, Autistic Barbie (equipped with noise-cancelling headphones, a fidget spinner and body dysmorphia), this new release aims to be inclusive of cute, curious, constipated children.

The doll features a scrunched up, concentrated facial expression and a scrunched up, concentrated [redacted]. No Barbie is complete without accessories, and Constipation Barbie is no different! The default clip-on accessories include a toilet roll and a bottle of osmotic laxatives (which really work!). For parents who said “absolutely not” and then did, additional accessories are available including, but not limited to: a lavender-scented toilet spray, a prune juice-filled Stanley cup, a footstool and two pairs of extra underpants in case Constipation Barbie shits herself.

A blue-eyed representative for Mattel said “We are just so pleased to expand our inclusive Barbie range! We want every consumer to see themselves in a Barbie, no matter what’s going on down there. All eleven accessory packs are available exclusively at all stores now”. New upcoming Mattel releases include Foster Care Barbie, Single-Mom-Dad-Left Barbie, Single-Mom-Dad-Died Barbie and Diabetic Barbie.


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